Fast & Furious… ACT A FOOL!

So recently there has been some discussion as to which is the best movie in the Fast and the Furious series. I have to say that I always viewed them as a bit of a joke which were good for a laugh and just tradition to see amongst friends when a new one came out. But little did I realise how important they were to some people. As a result I went back and watched the movies again seriously. After each viewing it only reinforced my view on each one. There has been strong support that the first one is the ‘best’ but I just can’t seem to see how. There are just too many things that piss me off to consider it ‘best’. To name a few:

1. Vin Diesel can’t act. Period. Paul Walker isn’t far off the mark.
2. In addition, Paul Walker is one of those guys you just want to punch in the face for no reason.
3. At the start while the Eclipse is being tested, there’s like 20 up-shifts and few if any down-shifts. WTF?
4. The ridiculous amount of times NOS is mentioned/referenced. Its called “Nitrous Oxide” you fucktards. Just take a look at this scene and count the references to NOS:

Mentioned 2 times and displayed 5 times. Yep, a total of 7 times in the space of 30 seconds! And then just in case you missed the big NOS advertisement, there’s a close up of the bottle as it spins by when the scene ends.

Actually, after seeing those irregularities, I decided to visit IMDB just to find the ones that I missed. Well, I’ve listed the conflicting ones here:

• Although clearly done for cinematic purposes (to make it obvious what is in the truck), the container full of electronic equipment isn’t packed at all realistically, with everything packed at the sides and none of it wrapped in plastic or on pallets. At the first turn, the boxes would be all over the place.
• Before the first race when Jessie is checking out Brian’s Eclipse, he mentions that it has a NOS fogger system, then later acknowledges that it has direct port nitrous injection. Clearly you don’t run both a direct port and a fogger nitrous system, as direct port is a much better system.
• The 1/4 mile race at the end takes the two “ten second” cars way more than 10 seconds to run. On top of that, in actuality, rail crossing bars lower long before the train is visible. If this was a ten second race, that means the rail bars dropped 2-3 seconds before the train appeared.
• In race wars when Jesse is filmed in close-up, you can see that he is actually driving a coupe (check the right rear side mirror). Also, the dashboard is not the Jetta’s.
• In the last scene when Dom and Brian drag race, the scoop on the blower closes when he revs up the motor, when it would really open, since it is to get air into the motor.
• When the bikers are shooting at the cars parked on the street, the glass is seen to explode outward. If the bullets were hitting the glass from outside, the glass particles would fly into the car.
• When Jesse puts the floppy disk in the A-Drive to show Brian the Supra designs, the computer power switch is clearly in the “OFF” position.
• When Dom hides his car in the empty building and begins walking down the sidewalk, the cop car that passes him is a Ford Crown Victoria. But when we see it again, it is a Chevrolet Caprice.
• When the beaten up Supra arrives at Dom’s garage, the car that arrives on the trailer is an NA (non turbo version) whereas the car is meant to be the TT (twin turbo) version.
• In the last race when the Charger goes into the big wheelstand he is smoking the rear tires. This can not happen since smoking tires means the loss of traction and a wheelstand means no loss of traction.
• A “10 second car” would not top out at 140 mph. A car that fast is likely to go much faster than 140 mph.
• After the first race, it is acknowledged that Brian’s Eclipse has blown its piston rings and requires the engine taking apart for repair, also some other kind of damage must have occurred (the manifold, according to his in-car laptop) that caused the floor-pan to fall through. This however doesn’t affect Brian being able to evade the police and escape at a reasonable speed immediately after.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the people who like this movie are either people who know nothing about cars, people who love pop up ads and love watching commercials or people who are willing to look past ALL these problems.

I guess I don’t fall in any of those categories. Having said all that, the other 2 movies aren’t that much better either (only slightly). In fact rather than say the ‘best’ of the series we should more accurately refer to the ‘least worst’ of the 3. Although, I will say that the trailer for the new one (Fast & Furious) looks promising compared to the others, but that isn’t setting the bar too high.

Of course, if your haven’t seen the movie then this will all mean nothing to you, but I did manage to find an accurate summary for you to watch. In fact, after watching this, you probably won’t even need see the whole thing. I just saved you 106 minutes of your life. You’re welcome.