1. Vin Diesel can’t act. Period. Paul Walker isn’t far off the mark.
2. In addition, Paul Walker is one of those guys you just want to punch in the face for no reason.
3. At the start while the Eclipse is being tested, there’s like 20 up-shifts and few if any down-shifts. WTF?
4. The ridiculous amount of times NOS is mentioned/referenced. Its called “Nitrous Oxide” you fucktards. Just take a look at this scene and count the references to NOS:

Mentioned 2 times and displayed 5 times. Yep, a total of 7 times in the space of 30 seconds! And then just in case you missed the big NOS advertisement, there’s a close up of the bottle as it spins by when the scene ends.

Actually, after seeing those irregularities, I decided to visit IMDB just to find the ones that I missed. Well, I’ve listed the conflicting ones here:

• Although clearly done for cinematic purposes (to make it obvious what is in the truck), the container full of electronic equipment isn’t packed at all realistically, with everything packed at the sides and none of it wrapped in plastic or on pallets. At the first turn, the boxes would be all over the place.
• Before the first race when Jessie is checking out Brian’s Eclipse, he mentions that it has a NOS fogger system, then later acknowledges that it has direct port nitrous injection. Clearly you don’t run both a direct port and a fogger nitrous system, as direct port is a much better system.
• The 1/4 mile race at the end takes the two “ten second” cars way more than 10 seconds to run. On top of that, in actuality, rail crossing bars lower long before the train is visible. If this was a ten second race, that means the rail bars dropped 2-3 seconds before the train appeared.
• In race wars when Jesse is filmed in close-up, you can see that he is actually driving a coupe (check the right rear side mirror). Also, the dashboard is not the Jetta’s.
• In the last scene when Dom and Brian drag race, the scoop on the blower closes when he revs up the motor, when it would really open, since it is to get air into the motor.
• When the bikers are shooting at the cars parked on the street, the glass is seen to explode outward. If the bullets were hitting the glass from outside, the glass particles would fly into the car.
• When Jesse puts the floppy disk in the A-Drive to show Brian the Supra designs, the computer power switch is clearly in the “OFF” position.
• When Dom hides his car in the empty building and begins walking down the sidewalk, the cop car that passes him is a Ford Crown Victoria. But when we see it again, it is a Chevrolet Caprice.
• When the beaten up Supra arrives at Dom’s garage, the car that arrives on the trailer is an NA (non turbo version) whereas the car is meant to be the TT (twin turbo) version.
• In the last race when the Charger goes into the big wheelstand he is smoking the rear tires. This can not happen since smoking tires means the loss of traction and a wheelstand means no loss of traction.
• A “10 second car” would not top out at 140 mph. A car that fast is likely to go much faster than 140 mph.
• After the first race, it is acknowledged that Brian’s Eclipse has blown its piston rings and requires the engine taking apart for repair, also some other kind of damage must have occurred (the manifold, according to his in-car laptop) that caused the floor-pan to fall through. This however doesn’t affect Brian being able to evade the police and escape at a reasonable speed immediately after.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the people who like this movie are either people who know nothing about cars, people who love pop up ads and love watching commercials or people who are willing to look past ALL these problems.

I guess I don’t fall in any of those categories. Having said all that, the other 2 movies aren’t that much better either (only slightly). In fact rather than say the ‘best’ of the series we should more accurately refer to the ‘least worst’ of the 3. Although, I will say that the trailer for the new one (Fast & Furious) looks promising compared to the others, but that isn’t setting the bar too high.

Of course, if your haven’t seen the movie then this will all mean nothing to you, but I did manage to find an accurate summary for you to watch. In fact, after watching this, you probably won’t even need see the whole thing. I just saved you 106 minutes of your life. You’re welcome.

SPOILER ALERT! You’ve been warned…

After seeing this film (yes, I called it a film) for the second time last night (yes I paid to see it twice), I felt I needed to write about it. By far one of the best, if not the best film I have seen in my entire life. This review on IMDB pretty much sums up my feelings.

An imperishable, spectacular and chaotically-brilliant movie. The Dark Knight possesses the essence that should always exist in the handover from comics to the big screen. Sequence after sequence, this is the absolute glory. A great movie that does not give a single frame to breathe. An ode to chaos and anarchy, while shares are confronted inevitably lead to a path dirty, black and hostile. A real Gotham City, dominated by fear.

This is the best film of the year. Simply, ladies and gentlemen, The Dark Knight belongs to a category where no comic adaptation could enter before.

Thanks Christopher Nolan. Simply, thank you for a film that’s a lot more than the typical film based on comic books.

Speaking of IMDB, I see it has jumped to the #1 best movie of all time, even after 91097 votes! Personally, I think it belongs there, or at least should be in the same company as films such as The Godfather. Anyway, I don’t understand why The Godfather has such an ‘untouchable’ aurora around it. Yes it is a great film and possibly the best, but why do people instantly dismiss any chance that any other film could be just as good or even better? I think The Dark Knight is definitely on par.

Not only that, but this film falls into a extremely rare category for a sequel in that it is better than the original (from the Christopher Nolan era). Just look at Batman Begins, that in itself was an awesome film which I was raving about after as well. Probably because I went in with extremely low expectations, but with The Dark Knight I was fearful that it had been overhyped. I shouldn’t have worried because it exceeded even my high expectations. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is not possible to overhype this film.

Not to mention the quality of the acting! I have to admit I was a skeptic at first about the talk about Heath Ledger getting an Oscar for this role, but I have been converted. He was absolutely brilliant as the Joker and truly worthy of the award. I also have to mention Aaron Eckhart, who really sold the character of Harvey Dent and his transformation into Two-Face.

Yes this movie is quite long, but never is there a dull moment, and it never drags along. Nolan has done a suburb job bringing the history of the characters to the spotlight providing depth to the characters not seen before in comic book adaptations. Much the same could be said for Batman Begins too. The other interesting fact that it is probably the only film I’ve seen where a main villain is introduced three quarters of the way through and killed at the end. Or is he?

Not only is there action, but there are some thought provoking moments as well. I love the saying “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” Even the whole concept of the dark knight is contrasted to the consistent motif of Harvey Dent being Gotham City’s white knight. Then at the end when Batman makes his escape, Gordon states that Batman is the real hero, or rather, the dark knight. Brilliant.

After doing some digging on Christopher Nolan, I found out that he also directed The Prestige and Memento which are two more awesome films. This guy is definitely a talent and I cant wait to see more of his work.

Anyway to all those people who just want to hate on all pop culture because they are pretentious pricks, and to those who think The Godfather is untouchable I just have one question to ask you…

Why so serious?

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox and Josh Duhamel

Director: Michael Bay

Release Date: 28 June 2007 (Australia)

Rating: Not Yet Rated

First Impressions: We all remember the theme song… don’t deny it. To sum up my feelings I think I wet myself from sheer excitement when I heard they were making this movie. Yes, it must be a generational thing. I grew up watching this on TV in the wee hours of the morning when I was younger and I absolutely loved it. The original and the best. It’s a shame about the quality of cartoons these days. It’s so bad they have to keep bringing back the classics from the past. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles anyone? Classic kickass cartoons! Now those were the days. All you see on TV now is crappy jap shit with people who speak too fast and ‘powerup’ or some super saiyan shit. Anyway I’ll continue that rant another day, back to the topic. As you can probably tell my expectations for this movie are extremely high and from what I’ve read it’s shaping up to be a cracker of a movie.

After Trailer: The trailer certainly lives up to all the hype. Although personally, I think all the transformers are a little overdone and I’m a bit worried that Michael Bay might do a royal job of screwing this up given his track record (The Island, Pearl Harbor anyone?). Although he has given us Bad Boys I & II so lets hope its as good as that. Also why the hell isn’t Bumblebee a VW Beetle? What the hell is the deal with that? He’s fucking up the system man! Even so, the movie has got me really pumped up especially with the actors who are in it. I was surprised to find Josh Duhamel (the awesome dude from the show Las Vegas) and Megan Fox were in it! That’s all the reason I need to go see it! In any case the trailer was done very well, depending on which you watched. At the start of one, the main dude thought his dad was giving him a Porsche. What a toolbag. Anywho, judging from the hand holding scene, it appears there will even be a love story behind all the carnage and action. It also does well to depict a good vs evil motif which is so strongly evident throughout the franchise history, you know, Autobots vs Decepticons. Unfortunately the jokes are not funnier than you acted. Like as if these ‘robots’ are from Japan you toolbag.

Man Quotient: 7.37 (Derived from a complex formula of explosions and babes)

Chick Flick Quotient: -8.95 (Derived from a complex formula of emotional scenes and Hugh Grant)

Final Recommendation on Trailer: All the trailers are awesome. Definitely pumps up the viewer and would make anyone remotely interested want to go see the movie. Make sure you watch these for their awesomeness.

Final Recommendation on Movie: I’m really glad they didn’t make this a kids movie and catered for the generation for which should be the target, the late 80’s / early 90’s kids who grew up with this stuff. Also did I mention Megan Fox is in it? Looks great, 100% recommended.

Starring: Samuel L. Jackson

Director: David Ellis

Release Date: 24 August 2006

Rating: M15+

First Impressions: Just when you thought Hollywood couldn’t come out with a shittier movie, BANG! Out comes Snakes on a Plane. While that may seem a bit harsh, I have very little expectation for a movie with a name that is so shit. I mean if the producers couldn’t even come up with a creative name, then what chance does the storyline in the movie have? Seriously? I can’t imagine myself sitting and watching people getting attacked by snakes for 105 minutes. If I wanted to see that, I would watch a nature documentary or something like “When Snakes Go Bad”.

After Trailer: Well, I have to say that the trailer certainly makes a better impression on me than expected. It starts off saying “They are the deadliest creatures on earth.” Talk about hyping it up! I don’t know about “the deadliest”, I think a shark can be pretty deadly as well. It would be better saying “one of”. I think the director of this movie stuck to a simple formula. Plane + Thunderstorm + Snakes + Screaming = Movie. The director’s a genius! All the chaos that happens on the plane is apparently caused by snakes. How is that possible? I mean where was the pilot? Glass cracking by itself? These are some damn smart snakes! They must be using mind control or something! As for the trailer, they do a good job of intensifying the situation by using quick cut scenes and a heartbeat which forever beats faster until everything goes “deadly” quiet and a snake lunges at the camera. One question still remains though, how the hell did they get on the plane?!?!? For those of you who are saying “But its got Samuel L. Jackson in it so it must be good!” Sorry, he went down a notch in my book after he made a dick of himself at the Emmys. I hope this movie isn’t a hit otherwise we’ll end up with a whole bunch of movies called “Sharks on a Boat” and “Bombs on a Bus” (aka Speed 3).

“Arrrggh! I can’t believe how shit the
name of this movie is”

Man Quotient: 4.39 (Derived from a complex formula of explosions and babes)

Chick Flick Quotient: -1.46 (Derived from a complex formula of emotional scenes and Hugh Grant)

Final Recommendation on Trailer: It is a pretty well done trailer which does exactly what it sets out to do, entices you to go and see the movie. Watch the trailer as it’s pretty intense.

Final Recommendation on Movie: Well, from what I’ve heard from people this movie seems to be alright and the trailer sure makes it look that way (given that I had really low expectations). The trailer certainly doesn’t give too much of the story line away. Still the trailer would have had to be absolutely brilliant to convince me to see this movie and it fell well short.

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Colin Farrell

Director: Michael Mann

Release Date: 10 August 2006

Rated: MA15+

First Impressions: Following from the original TV series the movie is, I guess, a more modern day version. Unfortunately (or fortunately) I didn’t get the privilege to see the original version (I’m not that old!) so I bring a bunch of fresh eyes to the franchise. Looks like it would be a good movie to go and see, action packed, just the way I like it.

After Trailer: So after seeing this particular trailer, I felt like I was watching a fiddy (50) cent (doesn’t deserve capitalisation) video clip with all the guns and the reloading clicky thing. The only thing missing was GEE YEW NUT!! The trailer is pretty ordinary. Being the legendary Miami Vice I would have expected it to be a lot better. It starts with a slow moving score and a build up of tension then once again a cliché of extremely quick cut scenes and intense music. If that’s meant to be the best part of the movie then I’m thoroughly disappointed, as I still have very little idea about the movie, I’m guessing that they are undercover cops. Many scenes were thrown in which just muddled the whole story line, some dude in a blue costume dancing. WTF?? And the dude getting blown away was just unco. Now I liked the music, but they probably could have chosen something more appropriate, it just didn’t seem to fit. Being MA rated the trailer seemed to be pretty soft, which is probably a reflection on the movie. It even finishes nicely, with the boat riding of into the sunset.

WTF? A blue dude? Why is this in here?
Did they really have that little content that
they had to stuff crap in the trailer to fill it out?

Man Quotient: 18.0 (Derived from a complex formula of explosions and babes)

Chick Flick Quotient: -2.67 (Derived from a complex formula of emotional scenes and Hugh Grant)

Final Recommendation on Trailer: Pretty disappointing, follows a clichéd version of all action movies. The only thing that saves it is the inclusion of Jamie Foxx.

Final Recommendation on Movie: Probably better then the trailer suggests. For those just looking for a high action movie with an average looking chick then by all means go and see it. Otherwise go and see it for Mr Foxx because he’s gangsta!

Stay tuned

Update: Miami Vice review coming soon!